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Letters
E-mail a question to Mr. Milo Mr. Milo answers
your questions and provides specific guidelines to assist in resolving
the many common, but difficult
situations that arise every day.
********** When Medium Is Not Well DoneJanuary 16, 2011 Dear Mr. Milo: Recently I have heard about The Healing Gazer named Braco. Is it really possible to heal people by a gaze? Surely Mr. Milo will have some insight into this racket. I hear he only charges $8 for him to gaze at you. Before spending this amount of money on a gaze, I think you are the only one that can clear up this issue. Johnny B. Dear Johny B: As you correctly surmise, Mr. Braco is simply a crook who steals money from those who can least afford it. Not surprising are the results of a recent investigative report documenting that Braco honed his methods with the assistance of his life coach, Bernie, who Madoff with far more money. Gazing, however, is finding a new legitimacy in our society, especially in our armed forces, where methods are constantly being evaluated to find potential advantages over our adversaries. For example, those with crystal balls are openly encouraged to enlist as part of the "Gaze in the Military" project. As expected, the program is not without controversy. Those with crystal balls have reported being overloaded with questions, prompting a Don't Ask, Don't Tell regulation to protect the new recruits until their workload can be prioritized. The program appears to be on the right track and there is general agreement that happy gaze are here again.  Pictured to the left is new military recruit Clare Voyant seen touching one of his two crystal balls. November 27, 2010 Dear Mr. Milo: Could you please explain why, when a football team loses lots of games, they fire the coach instead of the players? Before every game, the coach tells the players to go out there and win one for the Gipper. If the players do not do what they are told, surely they are the ones that should get sacked, just like a Quarterback. Confused Non-Sports Fan Dear Non-Sports: There is no true "firing" in professional football. NFL managers are under contract and earn between two and eight million dollars a year. A "fired" manager still takes home that salary, whether he works or not, until the contract expires or is bought out. Similarly, NFL team members are under contract and are also paid whether or not they play. Removing the manager is a cost effective choice for the team owner, given that eliminating the players would likely amount to the continued payment of more than $150 million in annual salaries, plus the additional cost to hire new players. When tackling the problem of a fumbling football coach, club owners often have a replacement in waiting. Once that replacement is ready, the owners punt the dirty work to an underling who will tell the coach in question to take a hike. ********** A Night at the OprahNovember 23, 2009 Dear Mr. Milo: I am still in shock after hearing that Oprah will end her show within the next two years. Where will she go and what will be the effect of her leaving? Joan Sutherland Dear Ms. Sutherland: It is very likely that she'll relocate to New York City where she'll be free at last to indulge in what has always mattered most to her, The Oprah. With her expected financial backing, enthusiasts are relieved to know that there will only be a slim chance that any of these future productions will go baroque. A spokesperson for the diva announced that once she settles into a nice aria of town, she'll initially be Bizet producing and starring in a version of Carmen that is only expected to run for tenor or twelve performances. As for Chicago, meteorologists forecast that once she departs, their blustery weather will be replaced by the bare slightest of breezes that can most accurately be characterized as being Winfrey.  Oprah preparing for her role as Carmen - a voice "like buttah"? October 23, 2009 Dear Mr. Milo: If man is the smartest creation, why is it that some do not even have a clue? I just do not understand how man can have so much knowledge, yet be so lost. Ms. Long Dear Ms. Long: For many years, man was considered to be the smartest creation. However, after a millennia of man's massive bungling of the environment and world affairs, your observation is at times painful to acknowledge. What has become clear to many is that it is not man, but women who are the smartest creation - likely no surprise to fifty percent of our readership who deal with man's ineptness on a personal level every day. Lastly, there is no direct correlation between a person possessing knowledge and also having a "clue." The world is full of individuals that are diploma smart, but who are otherwise a few fries short of a Happy Meal.  American Patriot Thomas Paine, pictured to the right, was one of the few knowledgeable men that possessed Common Sense. ********** Tomb It May ConcernAugust 22, 2009 Dear Mr. Milo: The healthcare community would really like an insight into the "Death Panel" theories running around. Can you explain to us how having Death Panels will improve healthcare? Maybe we just need a few good men to put people our of their miseries. Dr. Crack Javorkian Dear Dr. J: Contrary to what has been promoted through the media, Death Panels are not mentioned anywhere in the healthcare reform bill being developed by Congress. Missed by the press, however, is the provision that all citizens, other than legislators, be limited to a maximum forty-five year life span -- the break point after which healthcare costs spiral upwards exponentially. For this version of the bill to pass, members of Congress are assuming that those over forty-five will not be politically active enough to derail their proposal. In fact, behind closed doors, Sen. Heston (R-Neb), refers to those in the over forty-five group as the Soylent Majority. Readers of this column who believe that the forty-five year mark is a bit too soon for termination, may wish to take advantage of one of our confidential plastic surgery packages. Our partner, the Loghansrun Plastic Surgery Clinic, will provide a variety of low cost surgeries to the greater Ask Mr. Milo Community. Each package includes a new "government issued" photo ID and a revised birth certificate that is guaranteed to be accepted at any check point. No interest financing on approved credit is available. ********** To Do is To Be - SocratesTo Be is To Do - Plato Do-be-do-be-do - Sinatra July 18, 2009 Dear Mr. Milo: Which do you think is more relevant: phenomenology as suggested by Husserl, or existential phenomenology as put forth by Heidegger? Should ontology really be put before epistemology? Tom Dear Tom: Mr. Milo prefers neither the phenomenology suggested by Husserl nor that of Heidegger, but rather he leans more towards the writings of Maurice Merleau-Ponty. As to whether ontology should be put before epistemology, there is no answer as these subjects are more akin to points of view and thus have no resolution. Perhaps the writer would be best served by getting a dog and taking a long walk, as these tropes of dead twentieth century white men will vanish in the mists of a new and lasting contentment.  F. Albert Sinatra often dealt with existential phenomenological subjects in his lyrics. ********** Dogs Eating Grass: A New Graze?May 26, 2009 Dear Mr. Milo: I love your site. I think it is great that you answer people's questions. And I have one, Why do dogs eat grass? My dad thinks its because, well, they're just stupid, but I think its because they are hungry. So why do dogs eat grass? Isabella Costa Mesa, CA Dear Isabella: A lawn, lawn time ago, before dogs were fully domesticated, they survived by eating all types of animals and plants, including grass. Although dogs do well nutritionally on today's carefully formulated dogs foods, most dogs when given the opportunity, will still eat any potential food that is available to them, whether that be grass, other plants or even small animals. As long as the grass is free of pesticides and other chemicals, there is little or no harm in this behavior. Weed also suggest that the addition of a little grass to the canine diet has the advantage of providing your dog with a little mower ruff-age. ********** One Pill Makes You Larger, and One Pill Makes You SmallMay 10, 2009 Dear Mr. Milo: Why would anyone become a pharmacist? Sherman Mwazi Dear Mr. Mwazi: Glamour is the principal reason individuals select pharmacy as a profession. One need only view the 1994 Oscar winning blockbuster "Freddy Pharkas, Frontier Pharmacist" to appreciate why so many aspire to this line of work. The only other occupational choice that comes close to the exhilaration afforded by a career in pharmacy is either that of an ice cream novelty wholesaler or a manufacturer of equestrian treats. ********** Fellow Travelers Develop A Severe Case of the TrotskiesMarch 5, 2009 Dear Mr. Milo: I am very concerned about all the right wing media telling us we have slipped into socialism. Is this true and should I be worried? Is the Messiah Obama leading us into a neo-Marxist existence? Does this explain the 10% unemployment rate in California? Your vast knowledge and understanding of the world issues will be greatly appreciated. Sammy “T-Bill” Socialist Dear T-Bill: The right wing media is a bit late if they are only now informing us that we have “slipped” into socialism – that milestone occurred decades ago after the initiation of mammoth increases in corporate welfare during the Reagan administration. Since then, the looting of taxpayer coffers for corporate benefit has continued unabated through all subsequent Democratic and Republican administrations resulting in the financial meltdown we are experiencing today. Last year, with our economy spiraling out of control, then President Bush acted swiftly to give away even larger sums of tax dollars to corporations in his inept attempt to solve the crisis. The rapidity in which he distributed those funds made it clear that no one could accuse him of Stalin for time. Afterwards, watchdog groups immediately criticized his Fidel-ing with our fiscal policies. In February of this year, the prominent economist Beauregard “Beau” Chevick of the Cato Institute postulated that Bush had mistakenly obtained his fiscal advice from the Mao Clinic.
********** February 27, 2009 Dear Mr. Milo: When it rains, earthworms come out and find their way onto the sidewalks and streets. After the rain is over, many of the worms just stay on the sidewalk and die, instead of going back into the ground. Why is this? Ronald Tichner Dear Mr. Tichner: Earthworms, constrained by their elongated shape, have disproportionately small lungs for their size. To compensate for their small lung volume, earthworms evolved specialized oxygen storage organs that accumulate oxygen from the air found in their tunnels below ground, for later use. Under normal conditions earthworms retain sufficient oxygen reserves to survive for up to two weeks without replenishment of these storage organs.
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Fodder for DiscussionFebruary 7, 2009 Dear Mr. Milo: We took our dog to a Sonoma County Park last week. The rules required dog owners to clean up after their dog's business. Horse owners, however, were not required to do so. Does a dog's poop differ that much from a horse's (omnivore vs. grain based animal) or is it a case of discrimination against dogs. Rick C. Aecum Dear Mr. Aecum: Horse and Dog poop differ significantly in composition and toxicity. Dog poop for example, is a potential source of disease creating organisms that can be transmitted to humans, such as giardia, salmonella and e-coli. Additionally, parasites, such as round worms can be passed to humans from dog excrement. Round worm eggs can stay active in the soil for months or years causing a continued risk for infection to both dogs and humans, if the fecal source is left in place. Water source contamination is not trivial if e-coli or giardia are present in dog excrement, as the waste is eventually washed into nearby streams, creeks and eventually into San Francisco Bay. Conversely, the fungus, viruses, bacteria and worms found in horse manure have not been shown to infect humans and that waste is even considered non-toxic by the EPA. Other than being a general nuisance, it is the spread of noxious weeds that is the most notable risk from horse manure. Additional information on the subject can be found in Darwin's definitive work, "The Origin of the Feces." **********
Steaking a Claim on Philly SandwichDecember 21, 2008 Dear Mr. Milo: What is your opinion on Philadelphia? Where can I find the best Cheesesteak? Nick Dear Nick: Mr. Milo and his staff are impressed that the writer is familiar with the small town of Philadelphia, Tennessee, home of the original cheesesteak. It was here that the very first cheesesteak was created by Peggy Monletti, founder of Peggy's Restaurant on Bay Street in 1926. The restaurant is now run by her descendants. Peggy's cousins by marriage, Pat and Harry Olivieri, although credited with popularizing the sandwich, are often incorrectly ascribed as the originators.  Today,
many believe that one of the best cheesesteaks is found at Jake's
Steaks in San Francisco. Jake's opus magnum glistens in the
light, indicating that it has been properly prepared with sufficient
grease for optimum gastronomic satisfaction.Although Philadelphia, TN has a population of only 533, it is a delightful municipality and was listed as number sixteen on the Ask Mr. Milo list of most livable small towns in America. **********
The Coriolis Force - A Whirled PhenomenonDecember 5, 2008 Dear Mr. Milo: I recently read that individuals born in the Northern Hemisphere tend to be right handed and those born in the Southern Hemisphere tend to be left handed. Is this true, and if so, why is this? Dexter Roterie Dear Dexter: The phenomenon you describe is well known to bio-geneticists and is due to the Coriolis Force. This force is more commonly associated with which direction hurricanes spin in the Northern and Southern Hemispheres. Recently, it was discovered that this force has micro-environmental affects on biologic systems. One such system is that of human fertilization. Motility studies have long documented that sperm have a tendency to move either to the right or to the left. Zygotes that form from right moving sperm result in humans that are right handed and vice versa. In the Northern Hemisphere, the Coriolis Force favors formation of zygotes with right moving sperm and in the Southern Hemispheres, left moving sperm are favored. The further an individual is from the equator, the more pronounced the effect. Thus, those conceived close to the Arctic Circle are far more likely to be right handed and conversely, those conceived close to the Antarctic Circle tend to be left handed. Since the Northern Hemisphere contains the majority of the world's population, it is to be expected that most of the planet's population will continue to be right handed. **********
National Weather Service Reigns SupremeNovember 13, 2008 Dear Mr. Milo: We recently went to San Diego for the weekend and found the weather to be 6-7 degrees cooler than the commercial forecast I viewed on the web. Similarly, we have noticed this on other occasions, such as when we took the kids to Disney World. Are the commercial forecasters that inaccurate? They seem to be pretty close here at home. Hugh Mihd Dear Mr. Mihd: Commercial weather forecasting websites are business enterprises. To increase profits, these companies modify temperature predictions for a destination upon payment of a fee by a city, town or municipality, if the actual expected temperature falls within a specific range. Increasing the temperature forecast for a vacation destination, even a few degrees, has been shown to boost tourism an average of between four and six percent annually. This translates into millions of dollars in increased revenue to merchants, restaurants and hotels, which in turn augments the amount of taxes collected by the city. To avoid being caught a sleet at the wheel, it is best to rely on the National Weather Service as your primary source for weather related information. They have never clouded their predictions with faulty information, nor bent to high pressure tactics. **********
Soapy Sales?
August 13, 2008 Dear Mr. Milo: Can you dehydrate shampoo and conditioner for ease of transport through airport security? Is it being done successfully somewhere and if so by whom? Harry L. Dear Mr. L: Shampoo and conditioner travel containers are easily dehydrated and made TSA carry-on compliant through the use of any of a number of household dehydrators found at Costco, Target and other large stores. Ranging in price from $110 to $140, they require no set up and are ready to use out of the box. Simply place a small bottle of the liquid in the dehydrator door with the cap off, press the start button and within ten to fifteen minutes your shampoo or conditioner will be ready for travel. If the cost of a household dehydrator is prohibitive, one may wish to purchase dehydrated forms of common liquid travel  necessities. Travelon,
for example, markets shampoo, shaving cream, laundry soap and
conditioner in dissolvable sheets. These retail for approximately $5.00
per pack and come in units of fifty. When using dissolvable sheets, one
must have dry hands to prevent premature sheet rehydration during
removal from the dispensing unit. The Travelon Company is a
sudsidiary of the Church of Lather Day Saints.**********
A Case of AppendagitisJuly 25, 2008 Dear Mr. Milo: I am writing to you, Mr. Milo as my last option. I have been diagnosed with Restless Middle Finger Syndrome. I have been to an assortment of doctors that cannot help me. It is very frustrating to randomly flip people off during the day for no reason. (Grocery store clerks, postal employees, doctors, lawyers, fellow employees). Do you have any ideas that might help me? Many thanks. Flipped Off Dear Mr. Off: Restless Middle Finger Syndrome (RMFS) is an under reported medical condition caused by an inflammation of the insertion extensor tendon of the middle digit. Although self-limited, it frequently recurs without warning when the individual is under stress. As a rule of thumb, it is best not to confront RMFS sufferers during an acute episode. The cyclical nature of the condition eventually leads to a Repetitive Stress Injury (RSI) of both the involved finger and wrist. Since the injury most often declares during the extreme stress of the morning commute, it is has also been referred to as Carpool Tunnel Syndrome. As a result of the RSI, the digit becomes unextendable, ending the individual's nightmare of shame and embarrassment. Many with RMFS wear mittens or keep the offending hand in one's pocket in an attempt to minimize the social stigma associated with this affliction. Unfortunately, other than a few investigational studies available through the National Institute of Health, treatment options are limited. July 16, 2008 Dear Mr. Milo: Why does poop smell and why do flies like it? Isabella Age 9 Costa Mesa, CA Dear Isabella: Thank you for writing to Ask Mr. Milo. Let's start with the second part of your query. We have no idea whether flies actually like poop, we can only observe that they land and lay their eggs on poop. Until there are advances in linguistics that enable us to communicate directly with flies, this is a question that will most likely remain unanswered. Now for your original question. When animals digest food, the proteineous components are broken down by intestinal bacteria into a variety of compounds. Two of the compounds produced through this process, skatole and indole, are the primary culprits that cause poop to smell bad. There is a turd compound, mercaptans, that also contributes to creating the offending odor, but the first two chemicals are the ones that really cause a stink. There is no significant industrial use for skatole or indole, although in very small amounts they are used as additives in cigarettes and in some perfumes. Should the need arise to obtain large amounts of these two substances we look to NASA. Voyager 2, the space craft launched from Earth in 1977 to explore and examine the outer limits of our solar system, found large quantities of skatole and indole in and around Uranus. **********
A Slice of Advice to Serenaded Ranger July 9, 2008 Dear Mr. Milo: I was at Big Basin State Park in California two Mr. Steadlen, Park Ranger Dear Ranger Steadlen: For readers unsure of the pizza song reference, he is likely referring to “That’s Amore” composed by Harry Warren and Jack Brooks in 1952 for the movie The Caddy, starring Dean Martin and made famous again in the movie Moonstruck Our entire staff offers you condolences for the horror which you must have endured. Fortunately, these Little Caesars did not begin renditions of Michael Row Your Boat Ashore or Polly Wolly Doodle. Had they, the Domino affect would have removed all hope for your continued sanity. If all else fails you can always give them a pizza your mind. **********
Phony Law in California Pushes ButtonsJuly 3, 2008 Dear Mr. Milo: On July 1st, a new law went into effect here in California L.G. Ericsson Dear L.G.: Many of us observe individuals perform a variety of tasks while driving that are possibly more dangerous than using a cell phone, yet these distractions are not specifically outlawed. It will be interesting to see if the new law makes any difference in the accident rate, but comply we must. Ask Mr. Milo recommends the use of wired head sets, as these are the only devices known to avoid the syndrome known as Dens Purpura (Blue Tooth). Blue Tooth is the common name for the dental soreness caused by radio transmission waves emanating from wireless headsets. After talking for hours with a wireless ear piece, some users develop pain in their upper central incisor (top front tooth) closest to the wireless ear piece, hence the name blue tooth. As many drivers Sprint to obtain a quality hands free device at electronics stores, others have voiced frustration in their Qwest due to limited product availability ATT the moment. Until stores restock there appears to be little relief on the Verizon.**********
Dishillusioned with Salesman's AdviceJune 22, 2008 Dear Mr. Milo: I am single and recently purchased a new dishwasher from Sears. The salesman told me that I should run it through a wash cycle once a week, even if I have no dishes to wash. Why do I need to do this? Here in California we are experiencing drought conditions and I’d prefer not to waste water. M. H.
Less frequent use of a dishwasher may result in decomposing food creating objectionable odors from the stacked, but unwashed plates. Although a rinse cycle is available on most dishwashers that would remove the odor causing debris, in California’s extremely dry conditions, using the rinse cycle is discouraged in order to save water. A low tech solution to this vexing problem has been developed at the Ask Mr. Milo Institute of Arid Studies that lightly cleans dishes without the use of additional water and keeps them odor free. In the photo below, Ruger demonstrates this innovative process which recently received the coveted Water Miser Award from the East Bay Municipal Utilities District.
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Barack in the Saddle AgainJune 7, 2008 Dear Mr. Milo: Can you please explain the Obama mania that is going on in this country? The man has done nothing, yet the media hails him as the next messiah. Can you shed some light on this please? Larry L. Bamba Dear Mr. L. Bamba: After researching your question, our staff has reached a similar conclusion - that Obama has indeed done nothing. Unlike McCain, Obama has done nothing to support the continued Bush debacle in Iraq, nothing to support permanent tax breaks for the extremely wealthy and nothing to support the confirmation of reactionary justices Alito and Roberts. The list continues, but lends credence to the belief that doing nothing may be far better than doing something. If Obama is the Messiah, and he wins in November, we can most certainly be assured that this will be one victory he can truly savior. **********
The Pope's Shoes Have Mass AppealMay 25, 2008 Dear Mr. Milo: First, let me say, I thank Jesus daily for this website. As you know, our great leader, Mr. Pope, was in God's country recently. His speeches were, of course, compassionately riveting, but I am puzzled by one thing...why does Mr. Pope wear red shoes? Is it a symbol of the blood of Christ or the blood of the lamb of Jesus? Or did he get them from Dorothy? I look forward to a reconciliation of this puzzlement through your wise counsel. Sincerely, Ms. Kath O'Lick Dear Ms. O'Lick: Pope Benedict has always enjoyed dressing up, even as a youngster. Our earliest documentation of this interest is found 
in the photo on the left, taken in 1941, where a young Joseph Ratzinger
can be seen in his very stylish Hitler Youth uniform. His penchant for
fashion led him to the priesthood where he could wear a multitude of
outfits as he moved up in the Catholic hierarchy.Today, Pope Benedict's wardrobe is selected by his personal assistant, Father Georg Gaenswein. The very good looking Monsignor Gaenswein, known in the Italian press as "Gorgeous George", has the most influence on what the Pope wears and is responsible for the Pope's use of red shoes in public appearances. Referring to the color of the Pope's shoes, Monsignor Gaenswein wrote that "Red is the colour of martyrdom and the pope is the successor of the martyred St. Peter. Red is the colour of burning love, the colour of the fire of the spirit." That Pope Benedict is considered to be one of the most well dressed of popes is in no small part due to Father Gaenswein realizing that shoes make the man, and to never wafer from this cardinal rule. **********
Developing a Cash CropMay 17, 2008
Dear Mr. Milo: Many times I hear my parents say, “Money does not grow on trees.” If that is true, then why do banks have branches? It doesn’t make sense. Thank you. Dani Thomas Dear Ms. Thomas: Money actually does grow on trees. In fact, during colonial times money trees were not uncommon. Farmers carefully tended the ones that they found to help survive in those tough economic times. In the late 1700’s, however, the newly formed federal government sized all money trees because over harvesting by citizens had created an inflationary economic climate. In 1913, the Federal Reserve was created and given the responsibility to maintain the money tree orchards as well as to control the country's money supply. Money was controlled by the judicious pruning of money tree limbs and their distribution to bank offices. These offices were soon referred to as branches and that term is still used today.  One can occasionally find a money tree in private
hands. Mr. Milo has one such
tree, as well as a limited number of money tree seedlings that are available
for purchase. School age children under
twelve that wish to grow such a tree are encouraged to send a brand new twenty dollar
bill to Mr. Milo. In return he will ship
you a money tree seedling along with complete growing instructions. As to your parents' statement that money does not grow on trees - it simply does not hold currency. **********
Piping Up on Cigar SmokingMay 8, 2008 Dear Mr. Milo: Are the effects of smoking cigars as major as those of cigarettes? And if you smoke a cigar once every one to two weeks, what are the odds of getting an overwhelming addiction? Thanks. Chris Dear Chris: Most evidence indicates that occasional cigar smoking in adults is less likely to cause a nicotine addiction as long as the cigar smoker has no prior history of tobacco use and especially cigarette smoking. It is difficult to extrapolate on whether an individual will develop a cigar habit or addiction since there are many variables to consider. Since a typical cigar can often contain at least the same amount of nicotine as a pack of cigarettes, much depends on how the cigar is consumed. For example, cigarette smokers tend to inhale more cigar smoke than non-cigarette smokers making such users at higher risk for addiction as well as other tobacco related diseases. For a surprisingly balanced summary of the risks of cigar smoking, the reader is referred to this link at the National Cancer Institute. Item #6 discusses cigars and the potential for addiction. Other health risks associated with cigar smoking are also dealt with in this ten point fact sheet. **********
Footprints Become a Shoe-in for IdentificationApril 7, 2008 Dear Mr. Milo: I have been reading a lot about carbon footprints in the paper and continue to hear it mentioned on both the radio and television. What is a carbon footprint anyway? B. Union Dear Mr. Union As global warming progresses, the United States is seeing a bump in crimes committed by individuals not wearing shoes or socks. Offenses committed by such individuals is a well recognized problem in all countries close to the Equator, however, it is only recently becoming a problem here in the U.S. The term "carbon footprint" comes from the FBI's technique of sprinkling purified charcoal dust at crime scenes to expose latent footprints, when it is thought that the suspect was both shoe and sock less. Although it is far from being their sole method of individual identification, the FBI is very much instep with the times using this technique in its toe-to-toe battle against crime.  The image on the left is the carbon footprint used to identify arch criminal Robert Talus. ********** Bitching About Westminster Rules
March 8, 2008 Dear Mr. Milo: I am a very attractive female black Labrador retriever, in training to complete in the 2009 Westminster Dog Show. I am disheartened by the news that only a male dog can be Best in Show. Can this be true Mr. Milo? And if it is, why? Has the Taliban taken over the canine world? I am so distraught that I can hardly finish my kibble. Please answer my questions and give me direction as to how to go on from here. Thank you Mr. Milo. Millie Dear Ms. Millie: No need to be disheartened, as either sex can win Best in Show at Westminster or any other dog show. Winners tend to be males, because it is the male that generally exemplifies the typical qualities of the breed. Over the last one hundred years, sixty five males have won this award, compared to only thirty five females.  **********
New Pastas to Wheat Your Appetite
January 18, 2008
**********Dear Mr. Milo: A lot of emphasis has been placed lately in the marketing of whole grain pastas. I have tried this stuff and for the most part, they are simply inedible. Can't they make these pastas taste better? Al Dentaye, San Francisco Dear Mr. Dentaye: Many whole grain pastas taste great and a wide variety of such products are available in San Francisco groceries. North Beach in particular has been one of the best places in the ziti to find high quality whole grain pasta - orzo most of us thought until recently. San Francisco Chronicle investigative reporters have found that some deli's have been making pasta from substandard grain in an attempt to save a penne. Concerned merchants repeatedly reminded us that there is gnocchi to making good pasta other than using the freshest and highest quality ingredients available. Elbowing their way on to store shelves in the last few months, is pasta made from whole oats. Although surprisingly flavorful, oat pasta is barley making a dent in the market. January 7, 2008 Dear Mr. Milo: Lately I have been confused over the issue of Global Warming. Here in Minnesota it has not gotten above freezing in twenty days. Doesn't the term "global" mean everywhere? Why am I freezing? Al Gore has told us high atop his throne that the polar ice caps are melting and we should expect a twenty foot wall of sea water along our coastline. Should we build a wall to keep out the sea water similar to building a wall to keep out illegal aliens? Could you clarify the differences between unexpected sea water and illegal aliens? Any help to clarify this would be appreciated. Frankie F. Rozen Dear Mr. Rozen: Mr. Milo's representatives attempted to validate your assertion that Minnesota is suffering from extreme cold by visiting your state several days ago. Unfortunately, our group was prevented from going further north on Interstate 35 than the Iowa - Minnesota border as noted in the photograph below. It appears that it may be a bit late to begin construction of the protective sea wall that you reference in your letter.  **********
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